离开埃及时似乎有些狼狈。出租车司机照例漫天要价，而我对这个国家当代国民的不满在这时终于爆发。“你们的祖先如此伟大，而你们却做了什么？”他当然不明白我在说什么，一路嘴里嘟嘟囊囊地把我送到了机场。进去一阵好找，才知道我的航班在几公里外另一个候机厅登记：还是被司机摆了一道。精疲力竭地登上飞往伊斯坦布尔的飞机，感觉轻松了很多。对这个古老国度的感情有些复杂，景仰中带着惋惜。先人的光辉笼罩着破败的国土，历史的沉重，宗教的复杂，文化的断裂，他国的侵占，这种种苦难使埃及千疮百孔。经济的虚弱让这个国家依赖于旅游，而这些伊斯兰信徒们面对异教徒祖先们留下的大量的偶像，并以此谋生时，他们的心情会平静吗？
伦敦设计博物馆 (Design Museum) 静静坐落在泰晤士河旁，远没有像 TATE Modern 那样张扬突兀地矗立在一片空地上。她是小而精致的。几乎没有永久的展厅，仿佛只有几把包豪斯的经典皮面座椅跟我上次来时一样。正好赶上Designer of Year展，非常精彩。最吸引我的还是Jamie Hewlett的虚拟乐队Gorilla。他的手稿线条肯定，优美而有节奏，看得我不想走。临走时发现一个细节：在楼梯过道上的设计人语录是一直在换的。选一条摘录：
There has to be an irony in both the design and the objects. I see around me a professional disease of taking everything too seriously. One of my secrets is to joke all the time.
-- Achille Castiglioni
脑子里的子弹
-- Bullet in the Head, Rage Against the Machine
这一次
子弹在冷酷里旋转
万字旗被黄丝带替代
媒体的蛊惑宣传
什么才能信赖
命令发布下来
傻瓜们紧跟不怠
他们指着红色的血
让你说这是蓝
你的脑袋就这样
被子弹打穿
逃不开
混蛋思想的强奸
反复放着相同的磁带
放了一遍一遍又一遍
一直到
你的脑子乱作一团
所有谎言
都当成金玉良言
他们做的你说好
他们造的你全要
他们让你跳
你问跳多高
你的脑子已坏
你的脑子里
TMD有颗子弹
站站好
排成排
相信吧
那一切谎言
还不忘
向那旗帜膜拜
你的脑袋里
真TMD有颗子弹
很久没有写点什么了。坚持做一件事情，很难。
又把 Blade Runner 的原声拿出来听了，有时真是不敢听它。忧伤的旋律总是将我的思绪卷入它的世界，黑暗而凄美。原以为自己是讨厌发愁的，如今发现，自己并不是那么“乐观向上”的。
晚上看“烈火战车”，尔东升的，看的鼻子有点酸。不完美的故事才是美的。
有点惊讶，自己竟会这样想。昨天写信时说，想在圣诞节，一个人到汉堡的大街上去看城市的夜景。天空下着雪，家家的窗户都透出温暖的光。街上很静，隐隐的，传来一家家欢聚的笑声和乐声。
我很想在此时做一个局外人，看着赶着回去的车辆，看着灯火通明的城市。薄雾升腾起来，迷蒙了双眼。
哀愁不让人振奋，我却对她有奇怪的瘾。
编自王晓波《从Internet说起》(for Ruralarea.126.com, August)
Forbid!?
As you know, South Maoming Rd. has been closed by the government. I don't have enough energy to complain about that. Such things are happening everywhere in China. Ok, now I'll talk about those forbidden things. Let's change a tone, use a peaceful way. Young people should not be so aggressive, right?
I would like to start this topic from internet. I use internet for mailing. I heard that some bad guys put a lot of pornographic stuff on internet, and someone even complain about the policies made by Chinese government.
I was really frightened when I heard that. The official of government who is in charge of the management of internet suggested to restrict and keep watch on internet. I definitely agree. How dangerous it is if any infomation can be sent freely on web!!! However, I know a little about internet. Except to close it, there is no way to restrict it completely. Internet is too fast, too dangerous. So much bad infomation is being spread, how to restrict them all? The best solution is to forbid it, easy and efficient.
Anyway, it's not so important for me. Though the email is damn fast, I can still use paper mail, and another adventage is, except your house is burnt down, you don't have to worry about your mail will be erased by something called virus, isn't it?
But, wait a minute. Didn't we forget some thing? Yes, the computer, the carrier of infomation. Without internet, harmful infomation still can be transported by diskes. Zip, CD-ROM, VCD, DVD... So, forbid the computer, this is the key...
Oh, but that could hurt. My major is design, and I love computer graphics and digital effects. How complicate it will be if I do works without computer. But anyway, people like hand drawing more now, isn't it? Ok, I still can use brushes and paper, and my works will be accepted. So go ahead, forbid the computer, no big deal for me.
Beside the computers, the movies and TV programmes are also dangerous. I have a firm attitude in this case. They should be controlled well. At first, those imported movies don't fit the situation of our country, best to forbid them all. Second, not every local directors is good. Some of them are always against our government. For example, Zhang Yimou, the poison maker. Look what a movie he made, Lifetime, only offer the audiences reality. The reality is not beautiful. Don't show the fact, show people the hope, the light in the end of the tunnel, that's the right thing for directors to do.
But if it's hard for them, maybe we can close all the cinemas. Yes, that's better. There were only eight movies on show during 10 years in culture revolution, didn't many people survive? Since I can survive by reading books, it doesn't matter for me if the cinemas are forbidden.
Oh, I talked a lot, but I ignored the music! Big mistake. For my opinion, western music is really harmful for Chinese youth. Too hard, too aggressive. For example, Rage against machine. What will happen if the young people hear that? We will even want to destroy something! Violence, crime will come after that. Rage, what do we need rage for? Young people should be calm, be nice, as Chinese tradition.
Some soft music is enough for us. The rhyme should be slow and mellow. Give the teenages some soft guys as their idols, then, everything will be ok. Hard rock, no doubt, forbid!
But, maybe I have to think about myself after all of that. Forbid this, forbid that, one day it will happen to me. I'm a designer, I can't sure every design I make doesn't contain anyhting that the government will say it's halmful. When it happen to me, I don't think I have the energy to defend for myself. Any media can be forbidden, why not me?
Ok, I can give up my profession, I like writing, maybe I can be a writer...oh, I forgot, even my books might be forbidden... Scheisse!...
I approve to compress the space for free mind, if they won't compress mine. But the result might be out of my imagination. Hemingway wrote in his book "For whom the bell tolls" : All the human beings are a whole part, other people's misfortune is also yours. Don't ask "for whom the bell tolls", it just tolls for you. Is he right? I have no idea yet.
50 years ago, a German priest of Protestant said, at first, they sent the communists to jail, I didn't say anything, because I'm not a member of laber union; then they sent the Jews to jail, I didn't say anything, because I'm an Arian; then they sent the Catholics, I still didn't say anything, because I'm a Protestant... At last, they came to catch me, but there is nobody left to defend me.
Perhaps he was right at that time, but as you know, things changed today, and here is not Germany. So, as a student in the sunshine of Communism, I don't want to think about this, not yet at least.
...... 说人生来注定要受苦，或世界就是一片荒漠，都过于夸张了，而灾难也并不都落到你身上，感谢生活，这种感叹如同感谢我主，问题是你主是谁？命运，偶然性？你恐怕应该感谢的是对这自我的这种意识，对于自身存在的这种醒悟，才能从困境和苦恼中自拔......
—— 高行健《一个人的圣经》第六十一节
媒体都是毒品，尤其是书。 极易上瘾，不能自拔。把知识当作信仰，独立的自我到底是被赋予了，还是被剥夺了呢？
“我思故我在”。自我究竟存在于自我意识中，还是无所不在，或是根本不存在呢？
